Ah-Ha! (they are just not that into me)

So I was going to make chocolate covered strawberries for a “bring your favorite salad” themed playgroup today.  My chocolate seized, Harper started fussing, Dignon started begging.  So I soothed the baby, shoved the icky chocolate in the freezer (there was no logic behind that move), put the dog out, and cut up some carrots into what I like to call ‘carrot sticks’.  (They are carrot sticks, just a bit random cuz I have the knife skills of a second grader on crack, or whatever the kids are calling it these days.)  I put the ‘carrot sticks’ in some Tupperware lined with paper towel, for presentation, and headed to the playdate.

Let me preface this scene a bit.  I mean this in the kindest of ways; the mommies are mostly yuppies who have, after a long fruitful career, become stay at home moms.  Thier husbands are in law or finace (as if there is another option.)  However, this playdate is in what some might call a not so nice neighborhood.  Granted, if any of these ladies liked me before, they probably don’t after reading that intro, which brings me to the point of my story.

Have you ever had one of those “ah-ha!” moments?  Was it shortly followed by a realization that the people you are around don’t really like you?  That was my playdate.

I splayed open my ‘carrot sicks’ in their Bounty lined plastic, next to the array of caprice salads nestled in white platters and announced “I cut up those ‘carrot sticks’ myself.”  Maybe that is why the don’t like me.

Or, maybe, it was when Harper, all of six and a half months, chose this day, of all days, to stand on her own for the first time.  I probably did not help myself when I repeatedly announced to a room full of moms with babies who are older then Harper that don’t stand (some who do not crawl), “LOOK!  She is standing!  My baby can stand!  LOOOOOOOOOK!”  They did have to look fast, though, cuz she can only stand for like one whole second, maybe.

I’m sure I could speculate endlessly about why these ladies don’t like me, but why do I care?  It is not like everyone likes me, or I expect everyone to like me.  Normally, I’m totally cool with not being liked.  I don’t like everyone.

It is just that, when Harper was three months, these ladies were like my best friends.  I knew at the time we had nothing in common outside of being first time moms, but that seemed like enough.  I though it would be fun to be friends with people I would normally never ever hang out with.  Perhaps, that was not such a good idea.  It really is a good thing, too, that we have finally got out wits about us enough to know that we should not be best friends.  It is good that we are getting enough sleep and some perspective about who we are now, now that we are moms. 

Or, maybe, they don’t like me because I let Harper eat dirt…  And feed herself Cheerios…



Filed under parenting

6 responses to “Ah-Ha! (they are just not that into me)

  1. Al Herrmann

    First, congratulations, Harper! Woooooo!!!

    Second, I’m sorry, Mary. I know even though you all were so different, it must still hurt. It’s sooooo hard finding the right people to be friends with; I guess it’s like a mild form of dating. Sometimes things just don’t work out. Especially when the other mommies are obviously crazy if they don’t like you! Or your carrot sticks!


  2. milkymilk

    O.K. The crazy thing is, the first thing I do after realizing they don’t like me is to invite them all out again. Like, give me a second chance, I don’t suck. So we are all going to the park next week. We’ll see how it goes. No homemade snacks at the park.

  3. Liz Massey Gendel

    Ha! Way to show those other suckers with the standing! It sounds like Harper is already sensitive to your needs. Your blog post just about made me cry. I’m sorry you have to feel these feelings, and I really admire your perspective. I have to say, I have these thoughts you describe on a regular basis – I still can’t decide if it’s in my head or what. But, it sounds like you have done the right thing here. You are an awesome and beautiful person, and it will take a discriminating group of pals to hit it off with you. Not to toot me and Al’s horn.


  4. milkymilk

    Don’t cry. I think it might be all in my head. Oh, wait, that is even sadder…

    I’m one lucky girl to have you & Al for best buddies, for sure. O.K. Now go pop out a baby and move to Chicago so we can have a playdate.

    Lots of love!

  5. You’r just going through what Lindsey Lohan’s mother went through. A daughter who eats dirt or a daughter who snorts ridiculous amounts of cocaine – same difference. Mama Lohan took the right path by showing her motherly superiority through a reality TV show. Maybe you should think about it…

    But seriously, I haven’t cut a single vegetable since Sadie and Jack were born. You’re clearly an outstanding mom with an awesome child.

  6. Mommy groups scare me still and I stay away from social situations with too many mommies (unless I was already friends with them in the pre-mommy days) as much as I can. When Eleanor’s friends have birthday parties- that’s the worst. The weird looks, the little digs, (“I only feed my child ORGANIC snacks, don’t you?”) all totally make me crazy. My friend calls it “motherfuckering”. Life is too short to second-guess your (perfectly okay) mothering skills.

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