The Mom You Thought You’d Be


Have you ever noticed people without children are very quick to judge parents and talk about how to properly raise kids?  I was like that.  Now that I have been a mom for almost nine months, I have come to the realization that I’m not the mom I thought I’d be.  

In some ways I am.  I’ve become my mother, right down to muttering in inappropriate places, like the diaper isle and around small children, “Damn it all to hell.” & “Hell, fire and damnation.”  & “Jesus age Christ.”  I have instituted a ‘don’t bother mommy for a while, even if you don’t sleep’ daily nap.

I thought I would be a cool mom, and I am not in the following ways:  

  • I thought I would take Harper to art openings.  (Openings are at bedtime, 7:00, and bedtime is sacred.)
  • I thought I would be flexible about bedtime, and not say stuff like, ‘Bedtime is sacred.’
  • I thought I would have time to work on my art & craft stuff.  (That is just funny; extra time!)
  • I thought I would do baby sign language.
  • I thought I would cloth diaper.  (There is still time for this one…)
  • I thought I would get mani-pedis.   
  • I did not think I would see her eating the cat’s food, and think, ‘Oh, well.  That can wait.  She is happy, not choking, and apparently, despite that I share my Starbucks scones with her, she likes savory food.’
  • I did not think I would let her watch T.V. till she was 2 years old, but I have decided MSNBC does not count.
  • I thought I would lose all the baby weight within 9 months. (I still have 5 lbs., but I think it is non-smoking weight.)

I’m sure this list will evolve as she grows up, as I become the mom I’m becoming.  How are you not the mom, or dad, you thought you would be?



Filed under parenting

14 responses to “The Mom You Thought You’d Be

  1. Skylar

    I thought I would have a wife that was much more anal when it comes to raising our child. But in fact she is doing the most amazing job I could have imagined.

  2. milkymilk

    So Sweet!

    Um, you thought I’d be anal… I don’t know where you got that idea ;})

  3. Al Herrmann

    Mary, I think you have a good husband. So nice, Skylar!

    Oh, you used the winking frenchman!! That deserves a happy frenchman with a nice haircut- !:})

    Unless you’ve been lying out your ass in your blog, I think you’re doing a really incredible job as a mom, too. If it were me, I’d encourage my kid to have an early morning nap, a mid-morning nap, a late morning nap, lunch, siesta, post-siesta cool-down, afternoon nap, you get the idea.

    Unamused frenchman with fauxhawk- {:}|


  4. milkymilk

    I am lying out my ass. No, not really! It is not that I’m insecure about my momming, it is just that life is full of surprises, you know?

    “:}\ (Pensive Frenchman with a comb over)

    Thanks for the complements, though.


  5. Skylar


    sad winking frenchman cause he has a bowl cut.

  6. Al Herrmann

    you guys are good at the frenchman!

    [:}) Happy french frankenstein

  7. Brynne Humphreys

    Jesus Age Christ! You guys are so adorable.

    I am not the mom I thought I would be because:

    I did not think I would be a “step” mom to my boyfriend’s illegitimate “one night stand” baby who was born three months after we started dating.
    Boy, life’s funny.

  8. milkymilk

    O.k. You win the ‘not the mom you thought you’d be’ prize. It is a french kiss {:}@

  9. I’m not the mom I thought I’d be because I thought I’d just strap my baby to my back and go all over the place. That was before I found out I was having two. Now I have two babies, and one who is sick all the time. I honestly did not know it was possible to spend this much time at home.

    And, christ, bedtime – sacred is not even the right word. My two beautiful babies turn into frightening devil creatures if we’re out past 7:00.

  10. milkymilk

    Amen, Molly. So maybe 7:00 is a universal baby melt down time?

    It is hard to get out with just Harper; I can’t imagine with 2. I thought I would take her to places I think are cool, but she has different interests. We both like Bloomie’s.

    Oh, and a little birdy (by the name of Brynne) told me today it is ‘Jesus H. Christ.’ I called my mom, and she confirmed it |;}). Yup. I learned something new today.

  11. Eileen

    Not the mom I thought I’d be, let me count the ways….
    Sounds to me like Harper has two incredible parents who have clever, cool friends! And yes, it is Jesus H. Christ. (also an important phrase to have handy on the golf course)

    :{+ Aging Frenchman without his false teeth

  12. milkymilk

    That was a good Frenchman, Eileen!

  13. Madonna

    I have to admit I totally read your blog and it brings me sanity and makes me laugh~so thank you!! Maddy is just a little younger than Miss Harper and yes 7pm…it’s like cinderella…maddy and I both turn back into pumpkins if out past 7pm..not a good look.
    I am not the mother I thought or planned to be in many ways…
    I get the free passes at the library with all intentions of culture for the week with Maddy and then never use them and return them feeling like a failure after the 7 day checkout is up…and this has not just happend once…more like 4-5 times..

  14. milkymilk

    Hi Madonna!

    I’m so glad you like my blog!!! (I’m blushing.)

    I owe the library $16 in late fees, so you still win Mom of the Year in my book.

    I hear you about the “culture for the week” for sure! The MCA is free on Tuesdays. When Harper was 7 weeks I told myself we would go every Tuesday when she turned three months. I went without her once 😦


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