An Open Letter of Unsolicited Advice


I know a few pregnant ladies and new moms (new than me).  They have got me thinking about all the crazy things people tell you when you are pregnant or holding a newborn.  It is like a free pass for total strangers to tell you how you should eat, give birth, find your kegel, breath into your pelvic floor, get your baby to sleep, eat, go longer between feedings, poop more, poop less.  

Now, I want to tell them every bit of advice I found useful.  I have become one of those people.  It was inevitable.  So here it goes:

  •  You are going to be a great mother.
  • You know everything you need to know.  (Don’t let anyone tell you how to parent your kids, especially me.  Only you know how to mother your baby.  Why?  Because you are the mommy, that is why!)
  • Tell your husband you have diareha.  There are days, or weeks, that will be hard.  Just tell your partner you have diareah.  Go in the bathroom.  Relax.  Read a magazine.  Do your nails, whatever it takes till you feel better.  (This is the best advice I ever got.)
  • Sit down with your partner before the baby comes, and discuss how you will devide the responsibilities, i.e. baby care, cleaning, laundry, finances, all it takes to run your household.
  • All you need to do for the first 3 weeks is nurse.

I wish I could remember more of the crazy stuff, but there was too much going on.  People would mostly comment on how big my belly was, and marvel at that I could still fit into the booth at Ruby Tuesday’s.  Hot.

Dish, what did people tell you?


(This picture is of my mom, who is not big on unsolicited advice.  I’m lucky to have her.)



Filed under parenting

6 responses to “An Open Letter of Unsolicited Advice

  1. Hi, I was glancing over the different posts today and found yours. This one caught my eye. I wanted to stay in my house for the 9 month + because of all the crazy “advice” women and men were offering me while pregnant. I think the worst was was my MIL telling me that I needed to have babies soon because I was getting too old. Oh wait, that was before I was preggers. Let’s see.. my pregnant memory still lurks me. Ugh. Anyways, I thought I share my frustration too even though I don’t have a single piece of evidence.

  2. Lily

    It used to annoy me SO MUCH when I was pregnant and almost everyone would ask me 1) was I going to get an epidural, and 2) was I going to breastfeed?

    I always wondered (and still do) why people care so much about #2. No one asked me if I was going to let my child have any “screen time” before the age of 2, which is recommended (along with breastfeeding) by the American Academy of Pediatrics.

  3. Al Herrmann

    Maybe the difference is that you’ve written a post that people can choose to read or not, instead of stopping someone on the street and forcing them to listen to you.

    Did you happen to see yesterday’s Momversation on Dooce? I still haven’t watched it but it’s tag line: “Heather talks about how she feels when people give unsolicited parenting advice on today’s Momversation.”


  4. milkymilk

    Lily! OMG! That is so true! And then, everyone wants to know how long you plan to breastfeed. So intrusive.

    Al, I saw that this morning on The collective unconscious of mommy blogs?

  5. Madonna

    Way too much advice given…and can totally catch you off gaurd too…the thing that is totally bothering me about strangers and Maddy right now is how they will come up to her and say how cute she is(which I totally agree) and then start touching her face or grab her little fingers, touch her nose, whatever it is….it totally bugs me because I have no idea where their hands have been and now want to bathe my baby asap!
    As for unsolicited advice : the breastfeeding thing is huge. I for one had a hard time with it and everyone tells you to do it and makes you feel crappy if you are not…it’s so strange how much random people feel they can tell you…
    Mary, Harper is adorable!! Hope to see you both soon!!

  6. milkymilk

    The breastfeeding thing is huge! (& I did it here, shame on me.) I wish someone told me when I was pregnant that after a baby comes out of me, every person who walks in to see me will grab my boob and my baby to work on my latch. It was not fun. Next time, I will be prepared with 1) a nursing bra 2) my own nighty 3) boundaries.

    Now that Harper is into everything icky, I’m not so creeped out when strangers touch her. But, when she was new, and clean, it gave me the willies. Some people are just creepy, though, and they reallllly like babies.

    Hope to see you & Maddy soon! Hope your Christmas & New Year are fabulous 🙂

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